I. Understanding ADHD and Autism

Before diving into the benefits of DBT, it is crucial to gain a foundational understanding of ADHD and autism. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Autism, on the other hand, is a spectrum disorder that affects social communication, behavior, and sensory processing. Both conditions can significantly impact individuals’ executive functioning, emotional regulation, and social interactions.

II. Introducing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan, initially aimed to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder. Over time, it has been adapted and extended to help individuals with various mental health conditions, including ADHD and autism. DBT incorporates a unique blend of cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness practices, and dialectical philosophy.

III. Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is a common challenge for individuals with ADHD and autism. DBT equips them with valuable skills to identify, understand, and effectively manage their emotions. Through techniques such as emotion labeling, mindfulness meditation, and distress tolerance strategies, individuals can learn to navigate emotional storms, prevent impulsive reactions, and cultivate a sense of inner calm.

Enhancing Social Skills

Social interactions can be daunting for individuals with ADHD and autism, often leading to feelings of isolation and difficulty forming meaningful relationships. DBT provides practical tools to improve social skills and enhance interpersonal relationships. With the help of specific modules like interpersonal effectiveness, individuals learn effective communication techniques, assertiveness, and boundary setting. These skills empower them to navigate social situations, establish connections, and build a supportive social network.

Developing Coping Strategies

Living with ADHD and autism often entails coping with various challenges, such as sensory overload, executive dysfunction, and impulsivity. DBT equips individuals with practical coping strategies to manage these difficulties. By integrating mindfulness practices, distress tolerance techniques, and problem-solving skills, individuals can effectively cope with overwhelming situations, reduce impulsive behaviors, and make better decisions.

Conclusion

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy offers a ray of hope for individuals with ADHD and autism. Through its evidence-based techniques and compassionate approach, DBT empowers individuals to improve emotional regulation, enhance social skills, and develop effective coping strategies. By leveraging the power of DBT, individuals with ADHD and autism can experience transformative changes that positively impact their lives, enabling them to thrive in a world that often fails to accommodate their unique needs. With continued research and increased accessibility, the benefits of DBT can reach more individuals, bringing a brighter future for those living with ADHD and autism.

1. Relationship dissatisfaction: When individuals feel unhappy or unsatisfied in their current relationship, they may seek validation, emotional connection, or excitement elsewhere. Unresolved conflicts, lack of intimacy, communication issues, or feeling neglected or unappreciated can contribute to relationship dissatisfaction.

2. Emotional needs: People may engage in affairs to fulfill unmet emotional needs. They may seek companionship, emotional support, understanding, or admiration from someone outside their primary relationship. Emotional connections can develop gradually and may eventually lead to physical infidelity.

3. Sexual dissatisfaction: Sexual dissatisfaction or a mismatch in sexual desires within a relationship can sometimes drive individuals to seek sexual fulfillment outside their partnership. They may crave novelty, variety, or different experiences that they feel are lacking in their current relationship.

4. Self-esteem and validation: Some individuals may seek validation, affirmation, or a boost to their self-esteem through an affair. Attention, admiration, or flattery from someone new can provide a temporary sense of excitement, desirability, or importance.

5. Opportunity and temptation: The availability of opportunities and temptations can play a role in affairs. Circumstances such as frequent travel, social or work environments that facilitate connections with potential partners, or interactions on social media or dating platforms can increase the likelihood of affairs occurring.

6. Unresolved personal issues: Sometimes, personal factors such as unresolved emotional wounds, past traumas, or unresolved conflicts within oneself can contribute to engaging in an affair. These personal issues may lead individuals to seek external validation, escape, or distraction from their own inner struggles.

It’s important to note that while these factors can contribute to affairs, they do not justify or excuse the behavior. Affairs typically involve a breach of trust, betrayal, and emotional pain for all parties involved. Building and maintaining healthy, open, and honest communication within a relationship, addressing underlying issues, and seeking professional help when needed can help mitigate the risk of affairs and strengthen the foundation of a committed partnership.

‍

Who Is More Likely To Have An Affair?

Historically, men have reported significantly higher incidences of having extra-marital relationships. While the current data continues to show that men do “cheat” more often than women, the gap between men and women is decreasing. (https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america)

• 10-15% of women cheat on their spouses
• 20-25% of men cheat on their spouses
• However, with millennials, 12.9% of women have cheated
• 15.9% of millennial men reported cheating
• 42% of divorced people cheated on their former spouse multiple times
• Only 31% of those polled in a recent Gallup poll said they would try and save their marriage after their spouse cheated
• But actually, between 60-75% of couples stay together after an affair is discovered
• Between 20-40% of divorces cite infidelity as the primary reason for divorce

Can Our Marriage Survive An Affair?

Overcoming an affair is a challenging and complex process that requires commitment, effort, and open communication from both partners involved. Here are some steps that can help in the healing and rebuilding process:

1. Acknowledge and take responsibility: The person who had the affair needs to take responsibility for their actions, show remorse, and be willing to make amends. This includes being honest about the affair, answering questions, and being transparent moving forward.

2. Open and honest communication: Both partners should commit to open and honest communication. This involves discussing the affair, expressing emotions, and addressing any underlying issues or concerns within the relationship. It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a couples therapist who specializes in infidelity to facilitate these discussions.

3. Rebuilding trust: Rebuilding trust is a crucial aspect of recovering from an affair. The person who had the affair should be transparent, consistent, and reliable in their actions and words. They need to demonstrate trustworthiness over time, follow through on commitments, and be patient as the betrayed partner works through their feelings.

4. Seek professional help: Working with a qualified couples therapist or counselor who specializes in infidelity can provide a safe space for both partners to express their emotions, explore the underlying issues, and learn effective strategies for rebuilding the relationship. A therapist can guide the healing process and help establish new patterns of communication and trust.

5. Establish boundaries and agreements: It’s important to establish clear boundaries and agreements moving forward to rebuild the relationship. This may involve setting guidelines for communication, rebuilding intimacy, addressing personal needs, and preventing future infidelity. Both partners should actively participate in creating these boundaries and be committed to respecting them.

6. Allow time for healing: Healing from an affair takes time, and it’s essential to be patient and understanding with each other throughout the process. Both partners should be willing to invest in self-care, seek individual therapy if needed, and engage in activities that promote healing and emotional well-being.

7. Focus on the future: While it’s important to address the affair and its impact, it’s also essential to focus on building a positive future together. This includes fostering a renewed sense of intimacy, re-establishing shared goals and values, and creating a vision for the relationship moving forward.

Remember, rebuilding a relationship after an affair is a complex journey that requires effort and commitment from both partners. It’s crucial to seek professional guidance, communicate openly and honestly, and be patient and compassionate with each other as you work towards healing and rebuilding trust.

‍

giving them the silent treatment

stonewalling

not listening

being cold

being unavailable

being distant

Maybe you’re surprised because you think of yourself asa very caring partner who has no intent of hurting your partner, but you findyourself not knowing what to do or say, or how to respond.  You feel like a deer in the headlights –stuck in place by the emotions you are experiencing coming from your partner andwithin yourself.

FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE

Here’s how it sometimes plays out in real life:

·        John and Sue are in the middle of a difficult conversation about finances

·        Sue is expressing her anger at not being consulted on a major purchase

·        John is uncomfortable with conflict and is flooded internally as Sue is speaking

·        Sue see’s what she identifies as a “checked out” look and asks:  What’s wrong?  What are you feeling?

·        John tries to answer but the answers seem to be wrong and seem to make things worse. John becomes silent.

·        Sue is angered by the silence and raises her voice to try and get a response

·        John becomes more flooded – feeling almost paralyzed

·        Sue feels abandoned, alone, and insignificant

ADDRESSING THE CYCLE

If you find yourself to be more like John when it comes to handling conflict, you might be what we call a “stonewaller”.  You’re stuck in place.  Frozen. Much like when an opossum plays dead. While it may be perceived as a form of manipulation, “stonewalling” has been demonstrated to be related to the physiological reaction taking place within the one who stonewalls.

John Gottman and his team of researchers has conducted an extensive amount of research on communication, particularly within couples.  They have been able to identify some key elements related to stonewalling:

1.      Stonewalling is one of the 4 Horsemen (destructive communication patterns) which can result in separation if not addressed.

2.      Stonewalling isn’t an intentional act.  It happens when the amygdala perceives the body needs to protect itself from perceived danger.

3.      Stonewalling is accompanied by a heart rate over 100 bpm, strained breathing, and feeling mentally paralyzed.

4.      Stonewalling is destructive if not remedied.

There are may ways to clue you into moments when stonewalling may occur (Silverstein, 2022)

·        Heart rate rises

·        Holding your breath or irregular shallow breathing

·        Not listening as well as usual

·        Confusion and difficulty finding words

·        Getting louder and edgier

·        Feeling defensive

·        Muscles tense up

·        “Deer in the headlights”

·        Clenched fists

·        Griding teeth

·        Facial muscles constrict

·        Shoulders feel tight

·        Nausea

·        Light-headed

MINIMIZING STONEWALLING

Managing the symptoms of stonewalling before they get too far is essential to curbing its impact on your relationship.  Here’s how John and Sue could have handled it:

John:  Sue, I notice that I’m feeling defensive, and my heart rate is rising.  I’m not able to clearly hear and understand what’s going on right now.

Sue:  What can Ido to help?

John:  Would it be OK if we take a 20-minute break from this conversation so I can go for a brisk walk and re-set?

Sue:  OK, but it’s really important to me that we come back to this conversation.

John:  I can see how important it is, which is why I need to re-set.  I will be better able to hear you and participate after my re-set.

Sue:  I appreciate that.

1.       Pay attention to what is happening in your body.

2.      Finda way to let your partner know that you are feeling flooded and need to take a break so that you can participate in a more meaningful way.

3.      Return to the conversation as agreed upon.  Not returning to the conversation will anger your partner and lead to additional pain and frustration.  20 minutes is generally what it takes for your body to re-set – as long as you’re not ruminating on the conversation during that time.

If you find that you need or want help with managing stonewalling, feel free to give us a call at 352-448-9120.

‍

Do you have a hard time making friends, starting conversations, or even going out in public because of intense feelings of fear or nervousness? If your answer is yes, then you might be struggling with social anxiety.

‍

Social anxiety is a persistent fear of being judged, criticized, or embarrassed in social situations. It can have a significant impact on the quality of life, limiting one’s ability to form meaningful relationships or pursue personal and professional goals. Fortunately, with the right strategies and support, it’s possible to overcome social anxiety and regain confidence and fulfillment in life.

‍

In this blog post, we’ll explore the insights, causes, and practical solutions to help you manage social anxiety and live your life to its fullest potential.

1. Understanding Social Anxiety:

‍

Social anxiety is more than just shyness or nervousness. It’s a mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. Some common symptoms include sweating, blushing, racing heart, trembling, nausea, dry mouth, and difficulty speaking or thinking clearly.

‍

Social anxiety can manifest in different ways, such as fear of public speaking, fear of rejection, fear of being the center of attention, fear of making mistakes, or fear of authority figures. It often stems from negative beliefs and self-doubt, such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m going to say something stupid,” or “People will laugh at me.”

‍

To overcome social anxiety, it’s important to identify your specific triggers and beliefs and challenge them with more realistic and positive ones. You can also seek professional help, such as counseling, therapy, or medication, to address the underlying causes of social anxiety and develop coping skills.

‍

2. Building Social Skills:

‍

One of the most effective ways to overcome social anxiety is to practice social skills in a supportive and safe environment. This can include joining a social group, attending social events, or volunteering for a cause you care about. The more you expose yourself to social situations, the more you’ll build your confidence and social skills.

‍

It’s also helpful to learn specific social skills, such as active listening, open-ended questions, body language, and assertiveness. These skills can help you communicate more effectively, connect with others, and assert your boundaries.

‍

3. Relaxation Techniques:

‍

Social anxiety can be triggered by physical sensations, such as tension, rapid heartbeat, or shortness of breath. To manage these symptoms, you can practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation. These techniques can help you calm your body and mind and reduce the intensity of social anxiety.

‍

4. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion:

‍

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and non-judgmental of your thoughts and emotions. By cultivating mindfulness, you can increase your awareness of your social anxiety triggers and learn to respond to them with less reactivity and more compassion.

‍

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially when you’re experiencing distress or difficulties. Self-compassion can help you overcome the harsh self-criticism and negative self-talk that often accompany social anxiety and build resilience and self-esteem.

‍

5. Taking Small Steps:

‍

Overcoming social anxiety is not a quick fix or a one-time event. It’s a continuous process of learning, growing, and practicing. To avoid overwhelm or relapse, it’s important to take small steps and celebrate your progress along the way.

‍

You can start with small social challenges, such as making eye contact, smiling at strangers, or initiating small talk with acquaintances. As you build your confidence and skills, you can gradually increase the difficulty and variety of social situations that you expose yourself to.

‍

Social anxiety can be a challenging and debilitating condition, but it’s not a life sentence. With the right mindset, skills, and support, you can overcome social anxiety and lead a fulfilling and connected life. Remember to practice self-compassion, take small steps, and seek professional help when needed. You deserve to live a life free from the shackles of social anxiety.

‍

If you’re thinking to yourself, “I don’t have time to play! I’ve got too much going on,” then you’re exactly the person who needs to make time for play. It may seem counterintuitive, but setting aside some time for mindless fun can actually help you be more productive when you’re working. That’s because play can help reduce stress, increase creativity, and improve your problem-solving skills. So set aside some time each day—even if it’s just 15 minutes—to do something that you enjoy without worrying about whether or not it’s productive. Read a book just for fun. Take your dog for a leisurely walk around the block. Play a game of catch with your kids in the backyard. Just make sure that you’re present in the moment and enjoying yourself. That’s what mindful play is all about.

‍

Mindful play is crucial for both children and adults alike. It helps reduce stress, increase creativity, boost moods, and improve overall mental health. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or stressed out, take some time to engage in some mindless fun. You might just find that it makes you more productive in the long run!

Dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, is a popular form of therapy that is based on the idea of dialectical thinking. This type of therapy can be extremely helpful in improving mental health and managing difficult emotions. In this blog post, we will discuss what dialectical thinking is and how it can be used to improve our lives. We will also discuss the four categories of life skills that DBT focuses on, and explain why they are so important. As you will see, DBT is a powerful tool that can help us to live happier and more fulfilling lives. If you are struggling with your mental health, or if you simply want to learn more about DBT, then this blog post is for you!

What is dialectical thinking?

Dialectical thinking is a way of thinking that emphasizes the importance of both sides of an issue. For example, when we are considering whether or not to do something, we might think about both the pros and cons of the situation. The key to dialectics is including “and” instead of “but”. This type of thinking can be extremely helpful in making decisions, as it allows us to weigh all of the possible options before making a decision. Dialectical thinking is also useful in managing difficult emotions, as it can help us to understand both sides of our feelings. For example, if we are feeling angry, we might also be feeling scared or vulnerable. By understanding both sides of our emotions, we can more effectively manage them and stay in control.

Why is dialectical thinking important?

Dialectical thinking is important because it allows us to see both sides of an issue. This type of thinking can help us to make better decisions, as we are able to consider all of the possible options before making a choice. Dialectical thinking can also help us to manage our emotions more effectively, as we are able to understand both sides of our feelings. By considering both the positive and negative aspects of our emotions, we can more effectively control them. DBT focuses on four specific areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation. These four areas are important because they allow us to improve our mental health and live happier lives.

‍

Before we learn to speak, we play. We often let play recede into the background as we acquire language and move through adolescence into adulthood. At some point, the natural inclination to explore and wonder at the world around us either fades away or is stamped out of many of us. Therefore  it can be hard or foreign for many parents to re-engage with this part of themselves when caring for their kids.

One of the wonderful gifts the children in our lives can offer is the opportunity to do so. Through attachment-based play, you can learn to connect with your child  on their developmental level; strengthening the bond you share . Attachment-based play is based on attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby, a British psychologist who defined attachment as “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” [1] Essentially, as children develop from infancy, the attachment they form to at least one primary caregiver influences their ability to attach to others healthily later in life.

What does this mean for you as a caregiver? Well, as your child’s main source of safety, security, and protection, it’s important for you to promote this bond. But don’t worry, it can be fun!  Attachment-based play allows you to enhance your relationship with your child while  encouraging  healthy self-esteem, confidence, and management of difficult emotions.

Each child is unique.Their personal tastes, interests, triggers, and personalities will ultimately influence your choice of activity. The great news is that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel when brainstorming ideas that allow for this type of play. Here are a couple tips to get you started:

‍

1. Generally, games that encourage eye contact and physical touch can enhance this experience. One many of us may find familiar is the classic Twister. In this game, the one player acts as referee and spins the spinner, then calls out the body part and the color that the arrow points to. For example, the referee may call out: “Right hand, red.” All players, at the same time, must try to place the called-out body part on a vacant circle of the called-out color. This game is fun for the whole family and allows those who may not be able to participate otherwise to hold the spinner and determine where each player lands, ensuring that everybody can feel included! For children with trauma, this can also allow them to navigate their comfortability with physical touch.

‍

2. Pampering is another way to promote your bond with your child while also modeling self-care. This can look like brushing or grooming each other’s hair, applying lotion to each other’s arms, or applying nail polish or make-up to one another.

‍

3. Bubbles! Have your child try to catch all the bubbles before they touch the floor and pop! If you have more than one child, add an extra challenge by having them link arms and/or legs and work together to pop the bubbles. This helps amplify their ability to communicate, and team-build. Additionally, bubbles can be a great teaching tool for mindful breathing. Typically, blowing effective bubbles with a bubble wand involves exhaling consistently, without being too hard or soft. Learning to coregulate your breathing with your child helps them model this behavior and reinforce you as a safe support system when distressing emotions arise.

‍

4. Hand-clapping games. These games involve mirroring, pleasant physical touch, and collaboration with your child. Some of us may remember playing these games in school – some popular ones include Miss Mary Mack, Patty-cake, Rockin’ Robin. These games require players to sing a tune while memorizing a sequence of different claps and hand motions. The difficulty can be varied, depending on how many moves you choose to include. The beauty of these games is how versatile they are. If you’re feeling particularly creative, you can create your own hand-clap game with your child using your own tune or one you both already enjoy together.

Here’s an example to get you started: Children’s Song Miss Mary Mack | Nursery Rhyme for toddlers & kids with lyrics | Miss Patty

‍

5. Cotton Ball Hockey: To play cotton ball hockey, ,you and your child must lie on the floor on your stomach facing one another with a pillow between you two. On the pillow, place a cotton ball in the middle. On the count of 3, begin to blow the cotton ball back and forth using air from your mouths until one of you is able to blow it off the pillow and past the other’s nose.

You can add more cotton balls, switch up the rules by adding a number of times the child can try to blow the cotton ball across, take turns, or attempt to move the cotton ball simultaneously as described above. If this position is difficult, note that you can also use a pillow held up between the two of you in a sitting position if that is more comfortable.

‍

Hopefully these tips and game ideas can get you started on a journey towards better connecting with your children!

‍

Grief is a natural reaction to loss and can manifest in many forms. Some say it occurs in stages, with grief coming in waves at different levels of intensity. The some of the common early responses may be shock or numbness, which helps to protect the individual from the immediate pain of grief. There also may be patterns of denial and isolation, as well as feelings of guilt, anger, and depression. Eventually, grief can lead to acceptance and resolution. There is no timeline or one-size-fits-all approach to grief, as the individual’s experience will be unique. There may be times when grief is stronger than others and may feel overwhelming and other times when these intense feelings are hardly noticeable. Over time the waves become less intense as the feelings are addressed. It’s important to reach out for help if you need it and give yourself time to work through your grief in whatever way feels right for you. While grief can be difficult, it is also a necessary part of healing after loss. Seeking support from friends, family, and mental health professionals can help you cope with grief in a healthy way. If grief still seems too overwhelming to manage on your own, there is no shame in seeking professional help. Grief is also not only related to death as some may think. People may go through periods of extreme grief after the loss of a relationship or after a life transition for example. With understanding and support, grief can be managed and eventually resolved. Remember that grief doesn’t have to be endured alone. Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can help you find resolution and acceptance of the loss. You don’t have to go through this process on your own.